Prop Prop

Women's English

What They Say

What They Mean

Yes

Maybe

I'm sorry.

You'll be sorry.

We need

I want

It's your decision

The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want

You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk

I need to complain

Sure... go ahead

I don't want you to.

I'm not upset

Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly

You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight

Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights

I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient

I want a new house.

I want new curtains

and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there

No, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise

I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me?

I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me?

I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute.

Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

Is my butt fat?

Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate.

Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!?

Too late, you're dead.

Was that the baby?

Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling!

Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

MEN SAYINGS

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired." = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" =
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" =
I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd
eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd
eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a
massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless
self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex
tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have
sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex
now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said
it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your
hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your
hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to
impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with
me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to
make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

and FINALLY... (while shopping) "I like
that one better." = Just pick ANY dress and let's go home!

===============================================================================

Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

Name:		Date of Birth:
Height:	Weight:	IQ:	GPA:
Social Security Number:		Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:		Telephone:
Home Address:
City:		State:	Zip:

Do you have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:
Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers or sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____
Do you own or have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____
Do you have a tattoo? ____

If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.
In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?
In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?
In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?
In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?
Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________

How often do you attend: ____________________________
When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________
Please fill in the blanks:
1. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________
2. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________
3. A woman's place is in the ____________________________
4. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________
5. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________
  
  Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised
What do you want to be if you grow up?

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.

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